yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
