Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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