Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
