I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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