remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
