i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
