How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
nutella sex= disaster
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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