Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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