Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
