can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize