Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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