I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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