I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
