ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize