i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
