they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i came on her dog
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
