I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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