some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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