I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
