if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
