Don't make out with my wife yet
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
