Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
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