Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
