Tell her she can't have a vagina
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
