i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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