Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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