She's JV to your varsity
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
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