Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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