finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize