This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
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