Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
50% drunk capacity currently
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
