then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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