forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
