OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
