I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
