Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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