I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
