Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
