Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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