Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
you guys were way drunker than both of me
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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