her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You dont lie about slip and slides
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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