dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
