barbara walters just said penis...
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
