I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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