wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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