He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
