I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
BRING THE BAGELS
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
