Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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