If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
