....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
