Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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