Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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