I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
