we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
