Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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