Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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