i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
