did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
