My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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