Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
