i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just want to make out with him forever
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize