I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
