Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
