Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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