i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
