Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
