Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
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