Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
