areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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