Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize