Someone shit on the floor
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
