Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
