hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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