I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize