the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
