And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
