Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I intend to get homeless drunk
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
