Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
