I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
