her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
