also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
