the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
All I want is dick and wine.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
