just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
