you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize