can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
