woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
