I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
