Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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