I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
