Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
