I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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