How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
