is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize