NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
