yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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