you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
