I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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