I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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