Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
