Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
