Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize