What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
