shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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