You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
