I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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