Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
did you just send me my own nude
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
