Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
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