i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
