ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
