C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
