I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
